Words From a Father

KELLY: Yes, I would like to place an order.
DORIS: Alright, Ma’am. What items would you like to order today?
KELLY: I have your catalog here.
Do you want me to tell you the item numbers, or the names?
DORIS: You may tell me both, Ma’am.
KELLY: Alright. I want to order the satin sheets on page 34.
DORIS: The Merriman satin sheets?
KELLY: Yes, that’s right.
DORIS: And what size would you like?
KELLY: I need one full set of sheets in King-size.
DORIS: Alright, Ma’am. And what color did you want?
KELLY: Ivory, please.
DORIS: So that is product number MS3419. Size: King. Color: Ivory. Is that correct?
KELLY: Yes, I think so. Can I ask you something?
DORIS: Certainly.
KELLY: I’m a foreigner here. My English isn’t perfect. Can you tell me what satin is?
DORIS: Satin is like silk, Ma’am. It feels like silk. But it’s a different material.
KELLY: I see. That’s what I thought.
DORIS: Anything else today?
KELLY: No, I just need the sheets.
DORIS: Alright. With shipping charges, your total will be 78 dollars and 95 cents.
Will you be paying with credit?
KELLY: Yes.
DORIS: Visa, Master Card, or American Express.
KELLY: Visa.
DORIS: Card number?
KELLY: 4923 5671 3622 9876.
DORIS: Expiration date?
KELLY: Zero nine, two-thousand-and-one.
DORIS: Alright, Ma’am. I will run that charge for you.
And then I will get your address in a moment.
KELLY: Thank you.
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• Joy in the Journey
• Six famous words
• Is the Cat There?
• Risking
• True Love

There once was a snail that wanted to buy a Nissan Z car.
So, he went to a dealership and bought a car. “But,” he said to the salesperson, “I would like my car personalized. Would it be
possible to have the “Z” replaced with an “S”?” The dealer said yes, and it was done.
And, as the snail raced around the city in his brand new car, everyone would see, “Wow, look at that S-car-go.”
Take a stand on the important things in life!

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A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too.”
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.”
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.”
“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaimed the man…
“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.”

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“Advice For Young Girlfriends”

Q: How do I know if I’m ready for sex?

A: Ask your boyfriend. He’ll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they’re not as emotionally confused as women. It’s a proven fact.

Q: Should I have sex on the first date?

A: YES. Before if possible.

Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?

A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.

Q: How long should the sex act last?

A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed.

After you’ve finished making love, he’ll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf.

Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large
amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies.

Don’t feel left out — while he’s
gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an
expensive gift.

He’ll come back when he’s ready.

Q: What is “afterplay”?

A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. “Afterplay” is simply a list of important activities for you to do after lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few
beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.

Q: Does the size of the penis matter?

A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true.

The average erect male penis measures about three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and if by some chance your lover’s sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.

Q: What about the female orgasm?

A: What about it? There’s no such thing. It’s a myth.
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